TRUE CONFESSIONS
by GoldAngel2
Summary: I have a mountain of things to tell you...after The Kiss Sousuke and Kaname bare all about their year apart as the reunion continues.  Major spoilers throughout for the novel series and rated M for citrus content.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: Here's a Christmas gift that isn't a Christmas story but for fans of Sousuke/Kaname fluff it's a triple helping that takes Gatou's finale to new heights, building on the fine foundation he laid with the entire FMP saga. Thanks goes out to Silver Ice Dragon who provided the final novels to me, published this year. And fair warning…Sousuke's character is portrayed on him finally living the ordinary life he craved…not as a soldier or assassin, but as a man…the man he was destined to become had his life not been altered by that fateful plane crash. Read the novels and you'll see. And the usual disclaimer applies, these are not my characters or events, they are Shouji Gatou's and it's been my pleasure to explore them._

**TRUE CONFESSIONS**

**Prologue—A Mountain Awaits**

The ride home from Jindai High on Sousuke Sagara's Honda Super Cub motor bike took longer than the usual ride home on the commuter train from Senagawa. He found that maneuvering Tokyo traffic was time consuming and tedious; typical stop and go even with the aid of his GPS…but he did not care. As a matter of fact he considered prolonging the ride and going south through Shibuya and Machida towards the mountains to savor his new found freedom…and Kaname Chidori, who was riding with him her arms wrapped snugly around his waist, her generous bosom pressed against his back. It was an intense feeling that set his spirits soaring. But after the big reunion…first with their Jindai classmates then their own passionate keeping of the promise they had made in Mexico he figured she wanted what he wanted…to continue their reunion in private ASAP. But instead of the mountains out of town another mountain…the mountain of things he wanted to tell her…needed to be scaled.

They came to an intersection where Sousuke stopped and as the motor loudly idled he turned his head to check on Kaname and to catch a glimpse of her. She was unusually preoccupied …he was used to her harping on his driving or on him for taking a wrong route but since their ardent lip-lock in front of the entire school she had been quiet and reflective...so un-Chidori. It had him a bit worried…

"Kaname?" he asked in a shout over the 4-stroke rumble of the engine.

She gazed at him with inquiring eyes. "Huh?"

"Are you alright?"

"Huh?"

"I SAID…ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" he roared, thinking she could not hear him.

Kaname blinked then her face registered irritation…the old Chidori. "What are you yelling for? Geez I'm not deaf, you know, Sousuke!"

He apologized, "I'm sorry…I thought you couldn't hear me. You seemed preoccupied and I was concerned." Sousuke turned off the motor, kicked the stand and turned to fully face her. "So tell me…what's wrong?"

Kaname looked right at him with a strange look…almost wary then covered it with a cheery smile. "What could possibly be wrong? Everything's over and you're back by my side, right?"

Relieved Sousuke replied, "Affirmative." He then came close and laid a soft hand on her cheek. "And I'm here to stay."

Their eyes locked and as before in the Jindai courtyard Sousuke took the initiative and leaned in to capture her lips, slow and resolute yet tender…expressing his feelings of love for her with no hesitation. And as before, his kiss was eagerly reciprocated as Kaname wrapped her arms around him; clinging to him…oblivious to curious passers by, staring at them.

When their lips parted Sousuke murmured, "It appears that I couldn't wait until we got home to kiss you again. And be advised, once we get there I intend to do it all over again…every chance I get…so be prepared."

Still gasping from his assault she countered, "Oh really? Is that a warning, sergeant?" Her slim brow was arched as if she were challenging him…enticing him to partake of her sweetness once more. But noticing the busy street that surrounded them Sousuke suppressed the burgeoning desire raging inside and gave a cocky grin.

"Affirmative…so let's move out." He let go of her, remounted the bike, kicked the starter and they again headed for Chofu…

En route to her place Kaname found herself again lost in thought…reflecting on how Sousuke seemed changed. _A year's separation was bound to do that to a person_ she reasoned _and I know that I'm changed but he's really changed…like he's been hiding his true self under all that military spit and polish…and I'm seeing the real Sousuke Sagara. But why does that bother me?_

Once in the general vicinity of Maison K she saw Sousuke stopping at a neighborhood supermarket. He parked the bike and then assisted her off saying, "I figured that you might want to get some groceries…I'm sure that you need food. Don't worry about the money; I can pay for anything you might need." He then examined her critically and added, "You're entirely too thin and need nourishment."

Put off by his assessment she looked down at herself. It was true, her uniform hung rather loosely on her hips and waist…however, her bosom was just as ample as always so she really did not share his opinion. While in Leonard's custody she ate to sustain herself and cooked to stave off boredom but her appetite then was more for working the intricate equations rushing through her head at warp speed as her life as a Whispered…then as Sofia's puppet. _But those voices are silent now…except…_

Pushing the thought aside Kaname gazed at him and protested, "I'm not that thin…you're exaggerating."

"Perhaps…however, now that we're back in Tokyo I intend to make sure that you are completely healthy and fully nourished."

Sousuke then took firm hold of her hand and guided her into the store. In there he took a basket and with his usual focus as if on a mission navigated the aisles, making choices of all kinds of healthy foods…fresh fruits and vegetables, eggs, healthy grains and rice, miso, fish, chicken, and lean ground beef, along with snacks and beverages. Surveying him Kaname got the feeling that Sousuke was acting like a man providing the best for his family which brought a warm feeling to her heart.

After a few hours making purchases Kaname then watched as Sousuke secured the four bags of groceries on the Honda and assisted her on the rear seat, showing extra effort to make sure she was comfortable again bringing a sense warmth to her as he gently adjusted the seat. He then sat on the bike and kicked the starter.

"Make sure you hold on to me tight, Kaname…we'll be home soon." He then pulled out and headed toward the condominium…

When they finally got to Maison K Sousuke again assisted Kaname off the bike then stubborn as usual insisted carrying all the bags even after she offered. As they climbed the stairs and walked down to get to her unit Kaname kept musing about how different the former neo-military mercenary was…

_I just can't get over it…he's actually sweet and so gentle…I mean, I always knew how kind he was but that stiff, awkward, totally clueless way of his always bugged me. And now look at him…at us…it looks like we're a young married couple just coming home from grocery shopping…WHAT?_

The thought brought a fierce blush to her cheeks as she again realized how much she loved Sousuke. Her eyes gazed at him as he walked in front of her and she noticed that in a year he grew a bit taller then realized that they were now 18…nearly adults and that being so meant that other adult things were now before them. This caused her blush to deepen as they finally arrived at her door…

Feeling strangely shy Kaname averted her eyes and got before him with her key to open the door. They entered, removed their shoes and she turned on the light while he took the bags of groceries over to the kitchenette and began putting them away. She went in to help him but he shook his still unruly head as he continued…

"I can do this…and don't worry about dinner. You've cooked for me all this time that we've been together so for once I want to make dinner for you." Sousuke smiled and gestured with a knife he was going to use to mince onions and chop vegetables. "So just go relax and let me do this for you…for us."

"But I-,"

Kaname opened her mouth to protest but Sousuke leaned over and effectively silenced her with another kiss that completely surprised her and again left her breathless with eyes wide and questioning. He said roguishly, "And, as I told you before. Kissing you is an activity I thoroughly enjoy and I plan to do often…so you'd better get used to it."

"Uhh…okay." Kaname saw him go back to work preparing the meal and left the kitchenette to sit on the sofa, grabbing a pillow and hugging it to her chin as her thoughts ran rampant…

_Okay, this is feeling a bit weird…the gung-ho, give 'em hell military freak with no clue has suddenly become Mr. Perfect Boyfriend…attentive, romantic (even if he is still a bit stiff), wanting to take care of me. Is this for real? Or is this a residual illusion left to me by Sofia?_

She shook her head at the absurd conclusion _Get a grip Kaname, Sofia's gone like a bad nightmare…this is real. Tessa and what's left of Mithril sent me home this morning…so I could make it in time for the graduation ceremony…and I did…and so did Sousuke. After everything that happened at Merida Island…and everything going back to a year ago we're back together. I should be thrilled and I am so why am I feeling so uneasy? Almost like it's an alternate universe I'm living…surreal; like that vision I had while Sofia was trying to draw me back in with Mama still alive and Ayame and Dad living here in Japan with us…and me being asked out by Sousuke; a different, sweet shy boy. And then there was that one time that strange girl appeared to me…resonating with me, talking and I knew right away she was telling me something about Sousuke. So I wonder…what really happened with the real Sousuke while I was gone? He said he has so much to tell me…_

At the same time in the kitchen while making dinner Sousuke was in the midst of his own musings…looking at the year in retrospective…

_At last my dream is reality…I'm here with my Kaname again. I can hardly believe it after a year of walking through hell…in Namsak where I let Nami die and Kurama nearly blew me in two, recovering and escaping Amalgam's second attempt to kill me, going through training in southeastern America with that old Marine DI that Lemon brought me to and gaining my strength back to go to Mexico and take back Kaname only to have failed…then to Yamsk 11 only to have her again ripped from me as Sofia's spirit took her and tried to invade her soul. But I refused to give up and followed the enemy's trail to our old home base…Merida Island and found her taken over by that phantom of the past Sofia and her maniacal utopian ideals. I was damned to let that happen and used harsh, hateful words I did not mean to awaken the beautiful, strong fighting spirit of the woman I love. But looking back, I realized that soft, loving words were really what I wanted to say to her and to take her in my arms…but couldn't in the midst of battle. Everything's finally over so now here we are and I have so much I want to say to her…but how do I say it? Loving words are so hard for me to say…soft and gentle emotions are still alien to me. And I should tell her all about everything that happened after we parted…_

As he added the onions and vegetables to a hot wok to stir-fry with some chicken Sousuke continued brooding, a scowl planted on his face as he pondered…

_I wonder if Leonard ever used gentle, loving words to Kaname…did he take her and hold her all that time he had her? Speak words that revealed his heart? I know he had the same feelings for her as I have even though he evaded my demand during our final battle…did anything happen between them? And as we fought, I felt that had the circumstances been different…had we not fought on separate sides or fallen for the same woman we could have been comrades…possibly even friends. He even said that before the Lieutenant Commander ended his life…_

Kalinin…the man who in the past had saved him from dying with his mother in a plane crash when he was 5 and the man who tried to kill him while taking away his hope for the future…Kaname. Sousuke could still remember the intense hatred that had burned inside of him as he confronted the Russian and they fought…two ultimate warriors, fighting to the death…

_Knowing me and of my feelings for her he still tried to take Kaname from me…Andrei Kalinin…the man who was like a father to me in the end became my final enemy…dying before he could kill me. And I again cheated death as I shed my first tears since childhood as I chose to live…to see her and come back. I kept two promises today…to bring Kaname back to our class…and to meet her with a kiss…_

Sousuke then allowed himself the indulgence of thinking like a man about that kiss…

_Holding her in my arms was like I had come home…how she felt, her fragrance, the feel of her hair…and she tasted sweeter then honey as she surrendered to me. I had dreamed about how I'd react to seeing her after being apart for so long…I had felt that way on the transport chopper when I took her back and had her close to me…but I pushed those feelings back as I focused on winning the battle. Then, when those crates pushed out of the broken cargo hatch and took Kaname with them I felt my heart empty until Tessa reassured me that she survived. If she hadn't, I would have gladly welcomed death at Kalinin's hands and joined her in the Netherworld because she is my compass, my reason for living. I've thrown away my weapons but if ANYONE ever again tries to take her from me…I'll not hesitate to kill again…_

Adding spices while checking the rice in the steamer Sousuke glanced out and gazed at Kaname over on the sofa. He saw how she sat hugging the pillow and then envisioned himself beside her…with arms locked around; enfolding her…savoring the feel of her body pressed against his. And his body was responding to the fantasy as he immediately became aroused…

_It constantly amazes me…the depth of the love I feel for her…there's nothing in my world with worth but her and now that we're back together all I want to do is…_

The sizzle of the wok and scent of singed food shook Sousuke from his reverie… he hurried over to attend to the nearly burning dinner and managed to save most of it. However, the slightly burnt vegetables and chicken had hazed the air with smoke…

_Damnit_…

"Sousuke?" Kaname's voice showed concern as she called from the sofa. "Is everything okay?"

Cursing inwardly at himself Sousuke replied, "E-everything's fine…"

"Are you sure? 'Cause I smell something burning…"

"It's okay, Chidori…I have it under control so it's not a problem." He viciously pushed the amorous thoughts away as he refocused on his task…

"If you say so," Kaname said then repeated to herself _not a problem…Sousuke's signature line…he said that just before he kissed me at school, right in front of everyone. He didn't care that a whole crowd was watching us…outside, through the windows…he just wrapped me in his arms and kissed me…and it was slow and warm consuming me…taking my breath away…_

With a dreamy smile she touched her lips and remembered the gentle but insistent way Sousuke took control after she responded passionately to his first advance, his left arm holding her fast against him as his right hand cupped her cheek. The heat generated by his tenderness was like the warmth of the summer sun…so different then the icy expression of domination her first kiss was…

Her first kiss…stolen by Leonard Testarossa…

_Leonard…how I hated him that night he stole my first kiss and told me he loved me…when he took me I wanted to find some way to get him but he was always surrounded…by his Alastairs and he must have figured I would try something to get him so he had Sabine always guarding me. Sabine, who loved him and hated me but because she knew of my importance to fulfilling his wish saw to my welfare…but I know she would have killed me with no hesitation if she could…but Leonard, who loved me would have killed her. He was demented but I can't help feeling sorry for him…especially when he showed me about his childhood in resonance. He's the one who kept me and Sousuke apart and through the manipulation of the Omni-Sphere made me believe I had killed the man I love and I should hate him and rejoiced in his death…but all I can feel is pity. But I suppose he did love me in his own way…_

With a sigh Kaname pushed the pillow away and rising to her feet, headed to the veranda door to gaze out, watching the winter twilight sky, her mind going back to the time Leonard handed her his revolver and told her if she wanted to go to Sousuke she had to kill him…

_That time it seemed as if he wished for death deep down while he wanted to remake the world to support his own distorted view of redemption. And Sofia, who had been a pawn to her father's ambitions tried to take me over…until I heard Sousuke's voice, calling to me…but his words were cold and full of resentment…calling me a princess who had no guts, a liar…a bitch…questioning why he threw away everything for me…_

She could almost hear his voice saying the words again…echoing in her head as a picture of what his expression must have been came to her mind's eye…hateful; despising her with glacial eyes that tore at her heart…

_It hurts…I know why he said what he said to me, to draw me out of Sofia's control…but it still hurts, hearing those words after being apart for so long…that he could have been feeling like this for so long, like I had preyed upon him and tried to control him…has he been really angry with me, deep down…for all this time?_

Kaname bit her lip as she wondered if Sousuke…who had been trained to lock away his emotions as a soldier…had been harboring a deep well of feelings about everything that happened between them. She went back in her mind and admitted to herself the harsh ways in which she dealt with his awkward attempts at assimilating into peaceful Japanese society while carrying out his duty in protecting her…

_It's true…I haven't always been nice while he's been here doing everything to protect me…yelling at him, browbeating him…but I had a responsibility as class rep and vice president to maintain order and he was just so bizarre at times. Still, he just took it with no complaint when I would use my harisen to punish him without seeing his view as someone who only knew how to be a soldier. And when we were chased by Amalgam and I chose to leave him and go with Leonard it must have been like I betrayed him…of course he'd be fed up…who wouldn't be? I'm such a terrible person…and who was that girl who appeared to me in resonance…was she someone special to him, that he had turned to after I betrayed him?_

A profound ocean of guilt engulfed Kaname, causing her to feel bereft and she battled tears that were trying to come remembering the other words Sousuke spoke taunting her about crying. She fiercely wiped her eyes and swallowed the emotions but reluctant to completely leave they left a large lump in her throat. Watching the day's winter light fade to night's shadows she hardly noticed when he approached her…

Having finished cooking their meal and set up the table Sousuke turned toward the living room and Kaname, who was standing by the sliding door, gazing out. Her back to him his acute senses picked up the same subdued mood she had on the ride home…although she vehemently denied it then and concealed it with assumed gaiety he knew she was bothered about something and in typical Chidori style was doing her damnedest to suppress it. His heart constricted as he was filled with the extreme need to remove whatever was causing her pain as he went to her…

Laying a soft hand on her shoulder he addressed her. "Kaname? It's time for dinner."

She remained silent; unresponsive which disturbed him even more. Taking hold of both her slender shoulders, Sousuke gently turned her to face him and confirmed his fears when he saw the bleak look in her eyes. "I know something's wrong. Please…won't you tell me?" he pleaded.

Kaname looked up into his eyes and again quickly covered her angst with a smile. "I told you before, sergeant…there's nothing wrong." She disentangled herself and said cheerfully, "Mmmm, everything smells so good!" then headed to the table to sit down, leaving Sousuke no choice but to follow; a dubious expression on his face.

As Sousuke sat opposite of Kaname to dine he surreptitiously studied her observing her manner as she picked up her chopsticks and began to eat and although she appeared to be putting up a convincing front, he could see the subtle undertones beneath the façade. Her facial expression although benignly cheerful appeared strained and her eyes seemed glassy…indicating to him that indeed, something was up. While he ate he wracked his brain to try to figure out what could be the problem…

_What could be troubling her? She says everything's fine but I know the signs…something's definitely wrong. She's been quiet and that's not like her, she usually is quite straightforward and expressive…usually resulting in a bludgeon to my head from her harisen. So what the hell is it…and why won't she tell me? _

Still watching her Sousuke noticed that although Kaname was eating, her actions were more like she was going through the motions…taking a bite of rice here, a nibble of chicken there, all with that same faraway look. Like she was being perpetually pricked by something and she was just enduring it. Unable to take anymore Sousuke abruptly put down his chopsticks, got up and stood before her, his face grim.

His hand extended he said, "C'mon, Kaname."

She shot him a puzzled look. "Huh?"

"Let's go sit down…it's time for us to talk."

**NEXT…PART 1…HIS STORY**


	2. Part 1 His Story

_Author's Note: Here's Sousuke's story with spoilers for Burning One Man Force and Come And Make My Day. Here he tells Kaname all about Nami._

**Part 1-His Story**

Without a word of protest Kaname nodded and took his hand following Sousuke over to the sofa where they sat, side by side…shoulder to shoulder indicating closeness, intimacy…but each looking like they were on trial…like they were about to confess to the crime of the century; something for which neither expected forgiveness. Sousuke, especially felt as if he had a tremendous burden to unload and uncertain how Kaname would take it he unconsciously looked around for her harisen…his usual mode of punishment from her and not seeing it he relaxed…

_Okay…here we are talking…so where do I start?_ "As I said to you at school I have so much to tell you…so much to say that you need to hear but this isn't easy for me. Baring my soul, pouring my heart out…is something that I just don't do."

Kaname, still and grave said gently, "I know…I know this is hard for you…and I've never made things easy for you, either." She then gazed into his eyes and said, "But you go ahead, Sousuke…say everything you need to say to me…I'm listening."

Her expression was calm and expectant…encouraging him so he went on…

"After you went away with Leonard Testarossa I went back to Jindai to face our class and explain everything and apologize…for all the trouble and chaos…Tokiwa's abduction especially…"

"She was the first to greet me today," Kaname said with a sad smile. "After all she went through because of her friendship to me she still came to me and hugged me, telling me how worried she was. Then she reassured me about Hammy." She made a funny sound…like a cross between a sniffle and a giggle and added, "After almost dying because of me…she was concerned that I was worried about my hamster."

Sousuke reached and took her hand to squeeze it. "She's a true friend…loyal. Like most everybody I've had the privilege to know since coming here which is why I was compelled to make them a promise…that I would go and find you…and bring you back no matter what. So that's what I set off to do, make myself available to do mercenary jobs so I could search Amalgam down…set bait to flush them out so they would reveal themselves and lead me to you." His face then became haunted and he released her hand as he continued…

"I came to a town in southeast Asia called Namsak…to find an acquaintance named Rick who I thought could help me get a hold of an AS. But as it turned out he was killed during a match that they had down there."

"A match?" Kaname asked. "Between Arm Slaves?"

"Yeah…seems that there were matches held for spectator sport down there using Soviet abandoned RK Savages."

"Just like the one you stole the first time you rescued me during the hijacking of our class trip."

Sousuke nodded sullenly. "Yeah…I actually met up with the team of fighters named Crossbow who he had fought for. It was there that I met Michel Lemon."

Kaname remarked, "Lemon-san…he and I escaped the helicopter crash together in that abandoned Russian chemical plant, Yamsk 11." Her face became nostalgic as she added, "He was injured and as we made our escape he wanted to give up…but I refused and after we made our getaway he said he knew why you had fallen for me."

At these words Sousuke felt guilt inside him build about what he had to tell her. Taking her hand in both of his he said with a lowered head, "Kaname, I want you to listen carefully to what I'm about to tell you…and please understand that it was the circumstances and my state at the time. Since Mithril was all but obliterated and I had lost you I felt I was truly alone. Crossbow took me in and again I had comrades…Lemon, Ashe, the other mechanics…and Nami. She was their leader and she hired me as Rick's replacement. As comrades we were all close…and grew closer as I won more matches." He glanced up at Kaname and instead of the expected hurt or anger at the mention of another girl he was amazed to see a pensive expression on her lovely face…

"Nami, huh? So that was her name." She then bit her lip and asked tentatively, "What was she like?"

Sweat beading on his face Sousuke continued, "She was our age…separated from her family and village which were destroyed by unnecessary battles she wanted to win enough money in the matches to go back to her home village and rebuild her life." His eyes shadowed he went on. "She was strong and in many ways was just like you…stubborn, resolute, fearless…but also loyal and honorable…a great leader. She rebuilt and retooled the Savage and poured her heart into that AS." His face and tone became gentle as he finished, "Yet she was also sacrificial…burying her own needs for the sake of the team and always supporting me and cheering me on."

"Did you think she was pretty?"

"Yes."

With her head bowed Kaname was barely audible. "Did you like her, Sousuke?"

Holding her hand firmly in both of his he said earnestly, "I won't lie to you, Kaname…as I became more part of Crossbow Nami and I became close…she confided in me about her wishes and hopes and I found myself wanting to support her the way she supported me." He looked almost ashamed as he admitted, "Also at that time I was losing my memory of you…your smile and even the color of your hair ribbon, which greatly distressed me. Then there was a time, before a match that had serious implications. The corrupt police force wanted to fix matches so they arrested Lemon and threatened to execute him unless I agreed to a death match. That was when for a moment I entertained the thought of forgetting everything and beginning a new life with Nami. It was at that moment I wanted to take her in my arms…"

"Why didn't you?" She turned her head, unable to look at him.

Kaname's voice was derisive and its cold tone had icy prongs that tore his heart…so he hastened to reassure her, the one who carried it. Leaning in closer Sousuke took hold of her chin and gently turned her to face him…then gave his answer.

"I had an instant vision of you…your many wonderful faces and then thought of everything that I've gained from being with you…how you showed me how to laugh, taught me how to feel…how to care. You gave me back my humanity." He came even closer as he added, "From that moment on I was focused on one thing…finding and confronting Amalgam…taking you back and having you back by my side…and nothing was going to stop me." He then released her and said in bitterness, "No matter what sacrifice or cost."

Kaname asked warily, "What kind of sacrifice?"

With a heavy sigh Sousuke replied, "During the death match as I defeated their opponent the corrupt chief and his minions had taken Crossbow to an abandoned pig farm for execution and they had taken Nami away somewhere else. This was unknown to me until I realized during the match as they addressed me with familiarity about the M-9 they pit against me that they were members of Amalgam…and when they were defeated they told me that my comrades…were dead. But they weren't finished, they had their trump card…the assassin that tried to turn Tokiwa into a living bomb, who I stupidly let live…Kurama...using Nami as a bargaining chip." He lowered his head as if he was in deep pain. "I was hidden, waiting for the right moment to save her and be victorious without being killed or wounded to the extent that it would keep me from saving you…and in my hesitation the bastard shot her…systematically in the ways of prolonging her pain to torture me…then his final shot was to her head, killing her. Finally I ran out as he and the police began shooting at me. Help came in the form of Crossbow and Lemon's DGSE comrades as Kurama and the chief escaped. But then…Lemon, Ashe, and the rest all saw Nami…and rightfully blamed me for allowing her to die."

He then went on as if driven to exorcise all the demons trying to devour him alive…

"I then had Crossbow repair the AS…and went after Kurama. He had challenged me before he fled to meet him at the sports arena in the town of Munamera. So that's where I went. While he was killing Nami he taunted me, saying he knew where you were…my important woman…and then proceeded to tell me how after killing me he planned to do vile things to you. This is what drove me as I went to confront him…to find out where you were. But before that the chief had prepared a welcoming party for me of ten of my former opponents from the matches…to slow me down. And as Kurama counted down as he shot Nami, I counted down as I killed all ten. But the AS that Nami loved and had beaten more powerful foes finally had reached its limit so I alone went to the sports arena to face Kurama. We battled literally to the death…two master assassins in an endgame of pursuit wanting each other dead…and almost succeeded meeting that objective as he blew a hole in my chest just missing my heart…and I blew two holes in him, killing him. But before he died I demanded to know where you were. He told me you were in Mexico then as he died mocked me for giving in to the power of love."

"The power of love, huh?" Kaname was subdued as she sat transfixed before him.

Sousuke nodded staring ahead. "I collapsed then and the next time I opened my eyes I was in a makeshift clinic on Hiva Oa Island in Polynesia run by the DGSE. Lemon told me they found me and barely were able to save my life with half my insides blown away. I was recovering when Lemon also told me that I was delirious during my month long coma…calling out places and about taking back, which meant you. He told me how he and the team buried Nami then admitted to loving her."

"I could tell that she was a cheerful girl...even if I only heard her voice," Kaname remarked quietly as Sousuke halted talking to eye her quizzically.

"What…are you saying?"

"She resonated with me in San Carlo one night…in a dream I heard a voice that spoke to me, telling me farewell, that she was dying or already dead…that she hadn't replaced me with 'him' and knowing that she was talking about you I asked where you were. She answered that in Namsak you were still fighting, alone. We spoke about you as being special and I knew that she had fallen for you…but I had claimed you as mine and apologized, saying if it had been a different time…but she interrupted saying she had to go. As her final word to me told me to forgive you and give you a hug. I refused at the time, not knowing if I would be out of line after betraying you but she said that it would be best."

"So Nami _was_ a Whispered," Sousuke said pensively. "I had my suspicions as I saw her rework the schematics of the Savage…as I witnessed her work I could see the evidence of a superior knowledge of Arm Slave operation." Heaving a sigh he admitted, "And she was a brilliant tactician."

"I see."

_So she appeared to Kaname when she died…I never said anything about her to Nami but as a fellow Whispered she could sense my bond with Kaname…a bond that even she could never break…so I let her die _The atmosphere was thick and choking with silence as Sousuke felt his heart twist with remorse and residual guilt…but as he languished in his agony of old and festering emotional wounds, he was surprised when soft cool hands reached out to grasp him as Kaname lent quiet comfort within her embrace. Holding him close with her hand cradling his head she became the vessel for repentance he craved…

As she held Sousuke she assured, "I don't think she hated you…she knew why you hesitated which is why she told me to hug and forgive you. So this is from Nami…and me."

Kaname tightened her hold on Sousuke as he in turn squeezed her while he allowed the forgiveness to come from her in proxy for Nami, permitting another wound to heal. And as he felt Kaname let herself be the balm to that wound, he was obliged to reveal everything to her about the months that passed during their separation. Sensing that she was waiting for him to do just that he gently pulled back and continued his saga…

"Lemon told me the DGSE wanted to get me functioning just so they could torture me for information on Mithril and Amalgam…I told them they could try but if they wanted any information they had to supply me with weapons, ammo, funds, an AS, transport ship and a safe house…my plan was unchanged…to find Amalgam and take you back. As I waited for their reply Amalgam…found me. They busted in, killing DGSE operatives to finish me off but I disarmed my attackers and killed them with their own gun, my instincts to survive for the lone purpose of saving you overriding my weakened condition. Even in a sense of delirium as I escaped I called your name…like I did often; it was like a lifeline for me to hang on, to help me focus before Lemon found me…and took me away. We then ended up in America…Florida of all places in the Everglades with a hard-ass retired Marine Viet Nam vet who put me through special ops training to help me regain my strength. He also hooked me up with a modified M-6 Bushnell AS…certainly not the Arbalest but adequate for what I was planning…to get to that mansion in Mexico where I knew you were…and take you back." His voice then reflected his disgust as he said dourly, "But try as I did you were still taken away from me."

Kaname remained still as Sousuke continued purging himself of all the bile created by numerous failures and blown opportunities that for the past year had frustrated him to his wits end…but never deterred him from his objective…

"Before I got to the mansion I was reunited with the remaining forces of Mithril…my SRT teammates Mao, Kurz, and Lieutenant Clousseau were deployed to the same location. After everything went bad I went back to the TDD-1 with them and saw that the Captain and Chief Mardukas among others…had escaped on the sub when Merida was attacked."

"So they all had survived Amalgam's attack." Kaname murmured fervently, "I'm so glad."

"Initially yes…at least temporarily," Sousuke pointed out. "But many lost their lives in the final siege…just before I came to Merida and took you from the Lieu—Kalinin." A shadow flickered for a second over his eyes then he continued, "And when we all went to Russia to search out and destroy the Omni-Sphere…and discovered that Leonard and you were there…was when we nearly lost Kurz. I'm sure Leonard told you that he had died."

She nodded then with a raised brow asked, "Nearly? You mean Kurz didn't die?"

Sousuke smirked and shook his head. "We all thought he had. When Tessa and I realized that you hadn't killed us we saw him and Amalgam's sniper in a fire fight and saw him fall. He told us to leave…so we did, believing he had been killed. We all mourned his loss…especially Mao because before leaving for Russia they had become lovers. But during the final battle he surprised everybody by showing up…saving the day and cheating death."

Kaname grinned as she said, "I'm not surprised…you Mithril SRT guys have a habit of doing that…saving the day and cheating death."

"Yeah."

Sousuke thought about it and realized that what she said was true. Cheating death was a normal trait of the Special Response Team and the skills and weaponry they possessed but he figured that Kurz's desire to live burned bright for one reason…to be with the woman he loved…Mao. And he was kindred in that concept because as he was trapped and waiting for the nuclear missile that was sent to destroy Merida Island he had been resigned to his fate…but wanted desperately to live so he could be with Kaname. And when he was brought to the American base in Okinawa for questioning, his one purpose to escape from there was to get to Kaname…meeting up with Kurz, Mao, Wraith, and Clousseau he left the AI unit from Leviatein, took the Humvee they had arrived in…and headed straight to her. And now…here they were…

Her grin faded as she gazed at him and said, "When Tessa told me that you died in the nuclear explosion on Merida part of me accepted your death…there was a huge hole in my heart thinking you gone but another part of me knew that if there were any way that you could survive a nuclear blast you'd find it…and live."

His heart pounding and with a tender hand Sousuke reached to cup Kaname's cheek and said softly, "I wasn't about to let myself die…I had two important promises to keep…to bring you back to Jindai…and to kiss you when we finally reunited."

"And you kept both." Slowly leaning closer Kaname whispered, "Thank you, Sousuke."

Their lips met again in another lingering sultry kiss…clinging to each other in sweet revelation as the reflections of the past year of separation had begun the rebuilding of bridges between them. Still locked in each other's arms the kiss ended but now it was Kaname's turn to speak…

**NEXT…PART 2…HER STORY**


	3. Part 2  Her Story

_Author's Note: Here's Kaname's confession…and of course what would our favorite couple be without some conflict and misunderstanding…but no violence (I think considering all they went through being separated for over a year they've gone beyond that)._

**Part 2—Her Story**

Leaning into the warmth and security of Sousuke's arms Kaname reflected on everything he had told her…all the pain and frustration, not to mention danger he had dealt with as she knew Leonard had targeted him. Sabine had told her about the failed attempts to kill him in Namsak and on Hiva Oa Island when they were in Mexico. She remembered thinking about his inherent stubbornness and persistence in coming after her and how she had wished halfheartedly he would just forget about her…

_But he didn't…even when he was almost dead he never gave up on me…using his strength and the power of love…that someone amazing like him would love a girl like me so much that he would literally walk through hell to save me… _

At that thought Kaname hugged Sousuke tighter, burying her head in his chest where his shirt had unbuttoned and she saw the long scar on his chest that had not been there before…the evidence of the near fatal wound he had suffered within his year long quest to rescue her. As he responded in kind fresh floods of guilt battered her heart as she took a deep breath and prepared herself to share what had happened to her…not one fraction of the torture he had experienced but she wanted him to know everything…just like he had told her. He deserved nothing less…

She sighed and pulled away to look at him, gathering her thoughts. Sousuke gazed down at her with gentle but questioning eyes as she plunged in…

"Sousuke, you told me a lot…I have a lot to tell you too; things I think you should know that happened before, when you left me that first time. And maybe, when you hear it you'll get mad and wonder why you bothered with a girl like me." He opened his mouth to protest but she rushed on, "Maybe you won't but I did some of the things I did because of the way I am…the way I taught myself to be so I could survive. You can understand that, right?"

Sousuke nodded. "I can…and I'm listening." His eyes focused on her unflinchingly; waiting.

Kaname heaved another sigh as she began. "I think the best way is to start explaining is to explain some of the things Leonard was saying to me the night we came here and he was waiting for me. You know, the night we first held hands. Back when you left me I knew I was being followed so I led whoever it was on a wild goose chase to a sleazy love hotel, planning to confront him…but I confronted Wraith instead, disguised like an old man. Then the real assassin came, shot Wraith and then went after me…I tasered her, then Leonard showed up and when she came to he taunted her…then had his Alastair kill her. After that he went on to say some bizarre things to me about how he hadn't killed as many people as 'my boyfriend'…you. He was flirting with me, wanting me to go away with him telling me how he had fallen in love with me…" She hesitated, almost as if she were afraid to finish the statement, "then kissed me. I slapped him, hating him with all my heart and he left. Then everything else happened between you and me, in Hong Kong and on the cruise ship at Christmas…then that night when you took my hand as we walked home from school. He came for me and I refused and he mentioned 'that'. So I wanted you to know what 'that' was…I'm sure you wondered, huh?"

Eyes narrowed Sousuke nodded and replied curtly, "Yeah…but based on his smug attitude I had my suspicions which is why I tried to blow him away right there. Testarossa actually filled me in on that encounter with you while we were trapped in the collapsed shaft at Yamsk 11 but conveniently left out that bit of information…maybe because I had my gun pointed at him and was ready to spatter his brains figuring I'd pull the trigger if I heard that…which I would have." He lowered his head and muttered almost grudgingly, "But he escaped that night and the next day you went with him anyway."

"Did I really have a choice?" Kaname retorted, glaring at him. "You took me away from here to try to get away and all hell broke loose…Amalgam attacked us causing chaos all through Tokyo, hurting innocent people. They invaded my school, kidnapped my best friend, and turned her into a living time bomb…all because they wanted me, a Whispered. What else could I do when everything that had happened was all my fault!" She got up from the sofa, agitated and began to pace as more words tumbled out…

"When Leonard took me away that day I was numb. I had just seen my home city attacked, my best friend taken and I thought killed, and you standing there with that expression...I had betrayed you, throwing away everything you did to protect me. So I just went wherever he took me…to Europe, America, and the tropics…then to that mansion in Mexico." She sighed and continued, "I wasn't naïve…I knew that Leonard's…passion for me was mostly based on what I had buried inside me. I was being treated as a very important tool to their objectives so Sabine and Fowler both showed nothing but respect…however they were always prodding me to reveal more and more Black Technology…everyday they had me on the laptop working specs, equations."

Kaname's eyes became distant as she traveled back to the days at the mansion while Sousuke watched her go on with her tale…

"I did have down time…so occasionally I cooked in the kitchen, when the cook would allow it…he like everyone else there treated me like a porcelain doll, they didn't want me to trouble myself with ordinary tasks like cooking…but it relaxed me. And there Leonard would come in and watch me. I always knew he was there even though he'd say nothing. He'd be in and out all the time, doing his duties for Amalgam. After he gave me the laptop he'd have me study battle data from the fights with Mithril then ask me about the flaws in the Lambda Driver…He'd leave and I'd be left with Fowler and Sabine."

Her face then reflected the feelings of her next words…

"It was a quiet or even pleasant day to day life…but my heart was empty, hollow. I knew my life; the life I had cherished was gone. So I just did what was expected of me as a Whispered as I just existed. Especially since I convinced myself that you hated me …you seemed that way to me when I left Tokyo with Leonard…so when I overheard Fowler and Sabine talking about failed attempts in killing someone in Namsak and Hiva Oa I knew they were talking about you."

Thoughtful Sousuke nodded and asked, "So you knew I had survived…and was coming to take you back?"

"Uh-huh…I was relieved and glad you were still alive…but part of me felt since I betrayed you that should forget about me…and start a new life." Kaname grew more pensive as she went on. "Leonard came to me but didn't tell me that Mithril was about to attack…just that we were to get ready to leave, with no explanation. Having seen Kalinin arrive earlier something told me that trouble was coming so when he came to my room at that moment I had enough secrecy and confronted him about his keeping me in the dark about everything. But he just remained as closemouthed which infuriated me…I yelled at him, scoffed at his feelings for me, taunted him about his confession of love he made to me on the roof of that sleazy hotel…but he was unfazed. Then I mocked his family life…and he reacted by pushing me on the bed. I thought he was going to beat me or rape me but he just restrained me and invaded my mind using resonance to show me the truth behind his cold wall…and I saw everything hidden in his dark heart."

Walking over to the veranda door clutching her shoulders Kaname continued as if she had seen something that would haunt her for eternity…

"Why did Leonard show me that…the fire in his parents' home, the men with the guns killing his father, his mother hiding Tessa and then offering him as a sacrifice that didn't save her life…and his own memories of his mother's unfaithfulness in her marriage? I don't know but I saw her face as he did at 5…hateful and cold." She added in a voice filled with disgust, "How any mother could hate a 5 year-old child, her own child is horrible…evil…she was so beautiful but so evil. After he showed me that I felt for him…pity? Sympathy? A sharing in his sadness? I was confused but I know I did feel strongly for what he had gone through." She snuck a side glance at Sousuke and expecting him to be negative and suspicious was surprised to see instead acknowledgement and support for her as his face bore a gentle expression…

"That's because you're a kind and compassionate person by nature, Kaname…you could do nothing less," Sousuke commented with quiet conviction as if to affirm her. Nodding she came back over to the sofa to rejoin him as she spoke further…

"Hmmm…well after the battle began and they were trying to get me out of the mansion Leonard came and told me that he and Kalinin had met up with you. He grabbed me to head to the helicopter and demanded to know what I wanted to do…that now that you had come for me, risking your life even after I had left you, did I want to run back to jump into your waiting arms…and even though I wanted to do just that…I hesitated. So he gave me the chance to go to you…if I got through him first…"

"Through him?" Sousuke asked. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Her hands balled and resting on her knees Kaname replied wryly, "He handed me a gun…a revolver…and pointed ahead saying you were over there and to get to you all I had to do was shoot him. He sent his Alastairs away and the Amalgam soldiers assigned to be his bodyguards, even took off his weapon-proof shield; the black coat he had developed and was wearing the night he showed up here, making himself completely defenseless. He then counted down 30 seconds as I demanded to know if he was joking. He said no as he counted down the seconds and pointed out how you had continued taking lives, killing all for me…then urged me to blow away a 'conceited bastard' like him so I could go to you stating over and over it was what I wanted…"

"So in essence he wanted you to shed blood…to become a killer," Sousuke said dourly.

"I suggested shooting him in the legs…he said to go ahead and smiled as if waiting to become a sacrificial lamb to give me my chance to escape…but as the seconds counted down I couldn't pull the trigger…I couldn't kill…even him…and he knew. He was so smug when he said I lost and that arrogant all knowing smirk on his face was what made me do it. As he reached to take back his gun from me I aimed…and shot him…in the forehead."

Wide-eyed Sousuke gazed at her as Kaname rushed on with the rest the memory…

"It was like a dream…I saw the flash, felt the recoil then felt Leonard's blood spatter on my face as he fell at my feet. But as I checked to see if he had died I saw that my aim was shallow and he was still alive. He opened his eyes and looked at me with a mixture of sadness and pity…and I felt that maybe deep inside he had wanted me to kill him…to end the torment. Then Kalinin showed up with guards who took the gun from me. He had the guards take Leonard and me to the waiting helicopter. I wondered what they were going to do to me when he had the guards throw me in a seat with one guard beside me as Leonard was taken and his wound was attended to at the back of the helicopter. Then I looked out the window and I saw you, running toward the helicopter calling something and as we took off and away I saw you on your knees, pounding the ground…"

"It was your name I was calling," Sousuke interjected. "I had been lured into the mansion by my desire to find and take you back then I was confronted by Kalinin and Leonard who gave the command to kill me…but I escaped and resumed my search for you. And then getting to the launch pad too late I had been cursing as the chopper carrying you pulled away when I was surrounded. With my failure at rescuing you making me frustrated and feeling futile I had given myself up…then another chopper arrived with Lemon, Courtney, and Wraith, with an added bonus…a new AS equipped like the Arbalest…called Leviatein. And since Amalgam had us under attack I went to confront the Codarls and Behemoth AS's that had arrived, thinking you were long gone."

"It's true we were heading out," Kaname said. "But after I had shot Leonard I felt that they…Kalinin and the Amalgam soldiers planned to kill me to avenge him…so I acted. I managed to get the gun from the one guarding me as he was dozing…and I used it to force them to take me back to the mansion…and you."

Sousuke's eyes were pewter daggers pinning her. "So if I understand you correctly…you shot Testarossa then after they took you away you disarmed a guard, took his weapon and attempted to commandeer the craft to return to the mansion." He gazed off into the distance and added thoughtfully, "I do recall you telling me this when we spoke but I had figured you were just hysterical…frightened and babbling nonsense…so it _was_ true."

"That's right."

"So what happened then?"

Sousuke turned back and watched her intently and now that she had begun the story Kaname knew she had to finish telling him everything that had happened before they spoke on the wireless comm. So she continued…

"I-I had the gun…the other soldiers all came at me and I pointed it at them and told them I wanted the pilot. Kalinin came from where the pilot was and told me to give it to him, that Leonard's life was in danger and it was foolish to go back…but I refused, and remembering your relationship with him I demanded to know if he planned to shoot you when he met you. He answered without hesitation yes…"

"That's just like him…he always was a soldier before being a man and a soldier's duty is to destroy the enemy…and when he turned traitor and aligned with Amalgam he saw me as the enemy…just as I saw him," Sousuke commented tonelessly, his face dark and grim.

Kaname saw the shadow of his surrogate father's betrayal that engulfed the former mercenary and she went on telling him of her cat and mouse exchange with the Russian…

"He told me again to hand over the gun, that to bargain with him was futile…that they would not turn back…what would I do, shoot him or the others? If I wanted to shoot, to go ahead…he knew I was an untrained amateur with a gun but I wasn't finished. Working all this time on plans and schematics I knew the workings of Amalgam's battle helicopters…so I aimed straight above, right at the rotary and turbines…_that_ got a reaction as he and the others knew I was serious, not just some hysterical teenaged girl. Kalinin then looked a bit scared as he explained what I was intending would kill us all and if so then go ahead again."

"Again that was his way…negotiating to get you to surrender…never conceding, forcing a stalemate like he was playing a gambit in a chess game," Sousuke pointed out wryly.

"I stated to him that I would never see you again as true and that's what he repeated, affirming that again asking for me to give back the gun. I saw then it was the truth…so I used my final option," Kaname said gravely. "I cocked the gun and pointed the muzzle at my head, knowing my worth to them…it was a gamble but if I could never see you again then the truth was I didn't want to live. All the while thinking that pulling the trigger would finally end the nightmare while deep inside my conscience was telling me not to do it, that it wasn't the end. So I demanded to talk to you…to tell you goodbye and Kalinin finally gave in to me…and we talked. After that I gave the gun back but I had forgotten that he spoke and understood Japanese…heard our conversation which wasn't a farewell and admitted that our feelings for each other made you even stronger and that would be his defeat."

She then gazed at Sousuke, whose expression did not change…but his reaction was clear as he was visibly shaken by what she told him; his face pale and jaw clenched, the cross shaped scar twitching. "And this all happened just before you contacted me."

"Yes."

"Then let me ask you this one question…if Kalinin had called your bluff and refused to let you contact me…would you have pulled the trigger…and ended your life?" His eyes were bleak yet intense as he waited for the answer…

Kaname bit her lip and nodded. "I knew that I was nothing but a tool to them and with no hope of ever seeing you again I-,"

Her statement was interrupted as Sousuke grabbed her in a tight embrace, holding her with all his might, trembling…

"You're so…reckless…never hesitating, just acting without considering the consequence…putting yourself at risk and pitting yourself against_ him_ of all people." He pulled back and cupped his hands around her cheeks. "Do you have any idea about the kind of man he was? That he was a true man of war, even abandoned his own pregnant wife who died while carrying their child to do his duty as a soldier…putting his humanity behind his damned duty? And if he had just let you do it he would have succeeded in destroying me because if you had died…my own life would have ended because when I knew you were dead I would have let Amalgam kill me seeking death in battle to join you."

Kaname said quietly, "I think he might have known that when he gave in to me…he looked so sad as he knew I was serious…he even asked me and then told me how if you were in front of him there that you wouldn't hesitate to shoot him to save me. It was there he said that I gave you incredible power and because of that he was defeated. I guess it was as you said before the power of love."

Sousuke nodded his head and crushed her to him again as he bitterly added, "I hated him. He tried to take you away from me twice…knowing how much you mean to me he still tried to take you away until I stopped him…on that helicopter." He drew back and said, "In our final battle after the helicopter crashed I had stabbed him…but the knife missed his heart and more than that it was impossible for me to kill the man who had become my father. I dropped the knife, conceding to him as he picked it up and came after me but he was severely injured from the crash and was dying. He then called me a gentle child; a lamb raised by wolves and that he wanted to get me back as well as go back for his wife and child. I asked him why he aligned himself with Amalgam, showing my disappointment in him as a father. He had no answer but appreciated that he was called a father, said _Ikinasai_ then died."

"_Ikinasai,_" Kaname echoed. "Live strong, huh. He was quite a man." She sighed deeply as she continued, "After nearly killing Leonard I was no longer treated like a treasured commodity…more like a valuable piece of chattel, lugged from one hellhole to another to throw off the dogs but treated like a prisoner with poor food, filthy water and bug-infested hovels still I refused to show them my weakness…even when I contracted a fever. Sabine, the girl soldier from Amalgam was my jailor…and I knew she hated me, not only because I almost killed Leonard but because she was in love with him and he was in love with me. But after shooting him Amalgam kept him away from me…Kalinin would check on me as they moved me as a prisoner. They took me all over as Leonard recovered, keeping me away from him until our…reunion in Siberia before we went to Yamsk 11. He came up to me…and slapped me hard, knocking me onto the snow and causing my cheek to swell."

"That son of a bitch!" Sousuke swore, scowling darkly as he reached to lay a tender hand on her cheek. "Testarossa gave you the gun to shoot him, forcing you to stain your hands with his blood but you spared him…and he struck you in repayment?" He then took hold of Kaname's hands and said quietly, "Remember when we were fleeing Amalgam's first attack in Tokyo and you offered to take a weapon and assist me I refused…I didn't want your hands tainted like mine, taking lives. Yet _he_ put a gun in these hands, defiling them. If he weren't already dead, I'd-,"

Kaname shrugged her slender shoulders as she cut him off. "But he is dead, Sousuke…and what difference did he make urging me to shoot him really? I still used a gun to wound him…and to take your and Tessa's lives!"

She jumped up, pulling from him to turn away but Sousuke jumped up as well, taking hold of her to prevent her from avoiding him. "It was the effect of the Omni-Sphere on you…an illusion obviously as you see I'm very much alive…and so is Tessa."

"Duh, I know that," Kaname retorted. "But from that time until the end of that whole mess I was tortured not knowing why while Sofia had hijacked my conscience and deep inside I was thinking I had killed you." She lowered her head and murmured, "I was crying and felt such pain afterward…and didn't know why. Maybe because in the cold reaches of my heart I knew I-I had betrayed you…again."

"You didn't, though." Sousuke took hold of her chin and raised her head to meet his eyes. "I always knew that wasn't the real you. When I finally got to where you were all I could think of was how much I wanted to tell you and to hold you in my arms. When I saw you again after being apart for so long I didn't give a damn about anything else…I couldn't wait anymore and rushed in to get you. Even after you allegedly shot me in that virtual reality of the Omni-Sphere I still wanted to go after you, to bring you back…and I never gave up." He planted soft kisses on her forehead, her cheeks, all over her face sending a thrill throughout her body like a wildfire. But the one burning question that she wanted to be answered remained so she pulled away…

"Sousuke…can I ask you a something?"

Kaname eyed him carefully and Sousuke, picking up on her mood raised his own caution flag as he met her gaze guardedly. "Sure."

She bit her lip and sighed then began, "When you first came here you weirded me out…I mean before I knew all about my being a Whispered and you being from Mithril sent to protect me I just thought you were this military nut-bar stalking me and I admit I'm more aggressive then others and not very feminine…I mean I've actually smacked down other guys that have hit on me and stalked me which is why they gave me the reputation of-,"

"The prettiest girl that nobody wants as their girlfriend," Sousuke finished softly. At her embarrassment he said, "Yeah, I knew all about your reputation at school from Ono-D."

Kaname rushed on nervously, "When you came to Merida…in that AS…and called out to me you said some things that were…well, they made me wonder. And now that it's all over I've thought a lot about what you said and-," she took another deep breath and asked, "In all the time we've been together at Jindai have you ever…uh, had hard feelings about the way I've treated you?" Before he could answer Kaname sighed again then became uncustomarily reticent as she continued, "I also admit that at times I've been rude, overbearing…and cruel as you said…hitting you and controlling you, using my role as class rep and student council vice president to do so. And I betrayed you, leaving with another man yet you came through so much, even almost dying to bring me back. Surely you must have some deep buried feelings about everything which is probably why you said what you did then…maybe even some if not hatred then anger towards me. And you still risked it all for me so tell me the truth, Sousuke…do you?"

She watched as the now former mercenary's face became darkly reluctant…as if he did not want to affirm what she had said. But his expression was proof that what words he had said to her at Merida had the cold and hard truth of suppressed resentment and anger behind them. But hatred? He shook his head and took her hand, guiding her back to the couch…

"Sit down, Kaname…please."

They both sat and she waited as he took a deep breath and said, "I could never hate you. I'm sorry I said those harsh things to you…they came out without my thinking due to the heat of impending battle and having finally been able to complete my mission…to take you back and turn the Omni-Sphere into a pile of dust. They were also borne of the frustration of your resistance and that of Sofia, the phantom bitch who had taken over you. Upon speaking to you for the first time since we parted in Tokyo I wanted to say sweet words to you; words that I had gone over in my mind many times…but they wouldn't come. And as you or Sofia resisted my rescue I became angry and those words…came out instead…along with the very thoughts of what you just said. Buried resentment of you…and your peaceful life which I never really felt part of…came out and I spoke more words to draw you out …challenging the Kaname Chidori I knew to refute my claims the only way I knew she would…with a crack on my head."

Kaname recounted bitterly, "You told me you were disappointed in me…that you thought I had more guts…calling me stupid and a princess. It pissed me off."

Nodding Sousuke then added, "Like I just said to you I knew the real you was being superseded by Sofia. Tessa had told me in order to win I had to break through to you and I knew those words would do it." He smirked and said, "The Chidori I know never backs down from a challenge."

"Damn straight," she said then continued, "But Sousuke, you still haven't fully answered my question…do you have hard feelings about the way I've treated you in our relationship?"

Kaname watched as he turned away for a nano-second then faced her, his expression earnest. "Yes…there were times when I would feel like a complete fool because you had pointed out my ignorance of civilian customs in a way that showed me you had little consideration for me. However, since my duty was to stay close to you I endured. It was difficult at first…you were as you said aggressive and even adversarial toward my efforts to do my job…that irritated me especially during that first time in Khanka."

She nodded biting her lip. "I remember." Then jumping to her own defense she pointed out, "But when we got back you _did_ go overboard at times, using explosives on school grounds, taking apart Kagurazaka-sensei's new car, overreacting to situations…you were a piece of work."

Sousuke scowled as he responded laconically, "That's because things became far more dangerous…those after your abilities were getting bolder in their attempts to take you. I wanted to make sure you were safe." His eyes became dark as he spit out, "But what good did it do? You were still taken."

She was transfixed as he now jumped up and paced as he continued…

"Testarossa came to take you and he planted seeds of doubt in you about me the night he was here. When he left and I reached for you…you recoiled from me. I felt for the first time in my life like a monster…someone that had no right to you. And when we were trapped in the shaft at Yamsk 11 he made it clear that you were on a far higher plane than I was, at a place where I could never reach, with a future I was not a part of." He stared out and added cryptically, "And the more exposure I had to the Whispered…you, Tessa, Nami, Mira-,"

Kaname interrupted, "Mira?"

"Mira Kudan. She was a Whispered the SRT had rescued from a research facility in Siberia…before we were assigned to protect you. She was in bad shape when I rescued her and Mithril took her to help her recover from her ordeal. After she did she worked with Hunter to develop Laviatein, which I used to rescue you. So having seen and benefited from the ways the Whispered had helped me…especially you I saw how truly inadequate I was all around." He went over to the veranda door and stared out at the night, brooding.

Kaname sat silently absorbing everything Sousuke just said _wow…I can't believe this…this guy…this amazingly strong, stubborn guy who did everything he could…walked through a living hell to save me…a girl like me…and HE feels inadequate? Sure, he's been awkward here in Tokyo but I've been really hard on him when he's just tried to do his best. I left him and went with Leonard, shot him, and resisted his attempt to save me…but he never gave up on me…I need to make it up to him._ She gazed over at him as he stood by the door and getting up from the sofa she went over to him…wrapped her arms around his waist…and laid her cheek against his shoulder…

"I love you so much…and for everything I've put you through," she murmured as tears of shame began trickling down her cheek. "I'm so, so sorry, Sousuke."

**NEXT…PART 3…IT ALL COMES DOWN**


	4. Part 3  It All Comes Down

_Author's Note: Here's the climax…and after much thought it became strong citrus, the most explicit scene I've written yet (the muse just went that way). However, it's tasteful and romantic since Sousuke is not a hound…his reaction to Kurz telling him about his encounter with Mao in Approaching Nick of Time is to ask when the wedding is so I see him as a man of honor. Thanks to all the readers and Ryan and jerkette for reviewing. Enjoy._

**Part 3-It All Comes Down**

After he spoke Sousuke strode away to the veranda door lambasting himself _Idiot! Why'd you say those things to her? Why can't you just speak the words buried in your heart for over a year that you have just for her, the words you wanted to say the night the whole mess started? Why'd you let out that lingering bitterness of her assumed rejection of you and your own weakness…huh?_

Gentle, slender arms encircled him from behind. He then felt the unmistakable and exquisite warmth of Kaname's body pressed against him; the feel of her full and firm bosom like a heated cushion, creating a combination of comfort and kindling desire. Until he felt a slight shudder that indicated the one thing that made his heart drop…

She was crying…

"I love you so much…and for everything I've put you through… I'm so, so sorry, Sousuke."

At her words Sousuke felt an ache shoot through him _she's apologizing…to me…when I was the one who failed her. I couldn't protect her and she had to go through everything she did…having her hands stained with blood and having nearly had her very being taken from her…if I had done my duty she never would have been ripped from her peaceful world…the world she loves…the world I love…the world I want to share with her, always by my side…_

_Kaname…_

Slowly he turned around cupped her cheeks in his hands and tenderly wiped away the rivulets with his thumbs as she gazed up at him with glistening eyes. "Listen to me, Kaname…I'm the one who's sorry…for failing to keep you safe, for disrupting your peaceful life and for saying hurtful, selfish words that were thoughtless…so many things. Those words I spoke were the only weapons I could use against the last one who was trying to keep you from me. As I said before, I used them to draw you from her…Sofia, who was trying to steal your being from you. I used words like that because you aren't like other teenaged girls…silly, simpering princesses. You're different…strong, resilient, bold-," his voice became softer "and so beautiful you take my breath away."

Struck silent Kaname just stood before him as he went on…

"To me you are priceless…a treasure worth walking through hell countless times over to call mine. As I once said, I can accomplish anything as long as you're with me." Sousuke nodded and added, "This past year was hell but I was determined to survive so that I would take you back to the life and people you loved…and I held hope that I could be part of that." He leaned in so that his face was centimeters from hers. "Before I met you I never thought of having a future but now that's all I can think about…building a future as an ordinary man, not a soldier or assassin…with you always by my side. I love you."

Sousuke then captured her lips with his own…deliberate and languid, savoring her fragrance, her taste…every aspect of the woman he adored. He rejoiced as Kaname responded, kissing him back, her tongue dancing with his; driving him to the point of insanity as his hands began to explore the curves of her body and the firm fullness of her breasts. Without separating he scooped her up into his arms…and carried her into the bedroom…

Once inside Sousuke carried Kaname to her bed and lightly set her down, still locked in a deep kiss. He then pulled from her mouth and began planting tiny, nibbling kisses along her throat, neck, earlobe while she breathlessly murmured to him…

"S-Sousuke…S-Sousuke…we c-can't…uhh…"

"Yes we can," he growled, as he continued his assault.

"B-but wait…I-I've never d-done this," Kaname protested weakly.

Sousuke pushed back and said, "Neither have I…but if we just let our hearts lead us nature will take its course."

"You think?"

"Affirmative."

Kaname asked, "Do you know what to do?"

"I have an idea." He got up and taking her with him he stated, "Kurz and the other guys would talk and I listened."

"UH-huh." Kaname gave a knowing look and remarked dryly, "Yeah, I bet."

Sousuke raised a dubious brow and inquired, "Girls don't talk about that?"

Kaname looked sheepish. "Well, uh the only one of us that had…experience was Shiori. She's been on birth control for a year now so she's told us some, uh, things. Like how it hurts the first time." She looked a bit apprehensive and Sousuke brought his hand to lie on her cheek…

"Don't worry…we'll take things slow and help each other…just like we always do," he assured her. "I won't be pushy or rough with you…so trust me."

Sousuke reached his other hand to untie her red uniform bow, his warm pewter eyes focused and ardent and to counter him Kaname timidly reached to unbutton his shirt. Their eyes then met and they leaned in for another kiss as once awkward fingers warmed up to their respective tasks, gradually divesting each other's clothes. Clad now in only their undergarments, hand in hand the young lovers headed back to the bed…

Wearing only her camisole and panties Kaname lay down as Sousuke joined her, in just his briefs, the telltale bulge displaying his advanced state of arousal. But he stood by his promise and moved unhurriedly as he stretched out beside her, his hand resting casually on her belly. Noticing her expression of reserve he was concerned…

"Are you okay, Kaname? You're kind of quiet."

Gazing into her eyes Sousuke waited for her answer. She looked back at him then sighed and turned away from his scrutiny but he would not be denied and took hold of her chin, turning her back toward him.

"Please tell me what's wrong."

Unable to avoid him Kaname replied hesitantly, "I-I'm just not sure about this."

Dismayed he asked, "Not sure about what? About us?"

"Of course not," she denied vehemently. "After a year apart to realize how much I love you, never…it's just…this." She gestured at the two of them in their undergarments sprawled out on her bed. "I'm just not so sure we're ready for _this_ even though by today's standards at 18 we're a little late to the party."

"Hmmm."

Sousuke scowled as he pondered over what Kaname said _she does have a point…but I was planning to offer marriage to her after making love…it is the proper thing to do and there's nobody else I want to spend my life with…but…_

_I want to be with her…to be inside her, loving her until the sun rises. If Merida hadn't been reduced to a mountain of radioactive ash I would take her back to my secret fishing spot propose and make love to her there. However, if she's not ready…I love her too much to pressure her…_

"Sousuke?" Kaname's voice was tentative as she cut into his musings. "What do you think?"

He looked at her upturned face and saw the expression…rife with uncertainty and trepidation which caused his heart to constrict. Reaching over to caress her cheek he hastened to reassure her…

"If you're not ready…then we'll wait. I just want to stay here and be with you…I don't care what we do."

"Really? We can wait…'til we're ready?" Kaname was hesitant as if she were not sure if he was sincere.

Sousuke sighed, "I promise."

"Then you're not mad at me?" Her chocolate eyes were wide and appealing as she ran a finger in circles around his breast, her touch igniting a spark inside.

"O-of course not…but maybe we should just get dressed go out and watch a movie instead of staying here," he said as the heat in his loins having had subsided, was beginning to rise again.

"It's really okay?"

"Yeah."

Finally convinced she relaxed and said, "I don't feel like watching a movie." Then she suggested, "We can cuddle here." Snuggling against Sousuke and laying her head on his shoulder she asked, "Isn't this nice?"

"Uh-huh." The warmth from Kaname's body pressed flush with his was a slow, succulent torture tempting him once again to the forbidden tree…but a promise was a promise…

It was hard, though…and getting harder to resist. With her butterfly touch she was now tracing the jagged scar on his chest, the one that reminded Sousuke of the last time he cheated the Grim Reaper and postponed his ride on the river Styx. In addition, Kaname was still laying on him, her raven hair tickling as her coltish limbs were entwined around him. Combined with that her velvety ministrations were sending him to a point of rapture that nearly sent him over the edge…

_I don't know how much more I can endure…I know what I promised her but when a man has the woman he loves more than life itself caressing him with her flesh pressed against him…well, I'd rather face a fleet of AS's with Lambda Drivers then this torment …huh?_

His eyes widened as he saw…and felt what Kaname did next. She bent down and very sweetly but sensuously began kissing the scar Kurama left him…moving very leisurely up the length of the scar. Her lips left a fiery trail that turned his blood to lava that raced through him at breakneck speed and made his state of arousal reach thermonuclear proportions. When she reached the end and gazed up with smoky, loving eyes he could stand no more…

With a semi-feral sound that was a cross between a growl and a groan Sousuke moved like a panther, swiftly taking her shoulders and pulling Kaname up then maneuvering so that she was beneath him to capture her mouth with his. Unlike the previous kisses this kiss was savage…filled with pent up hunger and overpowering desire that now unleashed was like a torrent…surging forward and leaving nothing in its wake. And his hands followed the call; slipping under her camisole and taking hold of her breasts, reverently as if they were cradling a rare and precious jewel. His mouth continued to plunder hers as he deftly slipped off the filmy garment and freed the bounty of her bosom…then he buried his face in the soft globules…

He heard her response to him…quiet breathy gasps and moans as her own hands were entangled in his hair and then ran down to his shoulders. He slowly raised his head and they were face to face…

"I-I'm sorry, Kaname. It appears I couldn't keep my promise," Sousuke apologized, feeling a mixture of remorse and yearning; his desire for her overriding his honor.

But instead of admonition she lowered her head as she whispered, "It's my fault, Sousuke…when I saw the scar of the wound that nearly took your life as you tried to bring me back to mine all I wanted to do was to try in some way to make it up to you. I'm sorry."

The sweetness of Kaname's words and gesture made his heart swell to bursting with love. Taking hold of her face in his hands he murmured, "Please…it was never a problem…as long as my mission to get you back was successful it was a small price to pay. To have you back and in my arms…I'd walk through Ground Zero…and did."

Her eyes glowed as she then leaned in to place her lips on another of his scars…the cross-shaped one on his jaw as her hands reached around to his back and explored, finding other souvenirs of a life of battles. A knife wound here…a nick from a piece of a splatter bullet…various reminders of his life as a soldier which now seemed to be another lifetime. Her touch was like a balm; cool and comforting but causing havoc as his swollen member throbbed…a spearhead impatient to meet its mark. Sousuke closed his eyes and turned in to seize her lips again for yet another kiss…

_I_ _can't stop…she's so soft and sweet and her kisses are like candy. I never wanted anything in my life more than I do right now…to bury myself in her and love her until the morning light…but I made a promise…_

His thought was halted as Kaname gently pulled back and spoke his name. "Sousuke…"

"What?" he croaked, ardor making his voice hoarse.

Her eyes gazed into his, misty from the fires of passion burning between them. "I'm ready."

He did a double take. "Huh?"

"I said I'm ready." Kaname looked up at him with engaging resolution and Sousuke's heart leapt. But still he wanted affirmation…

"Are you sure?"

She nodded. "Uh-huh…are you?"

He nodded as well. "What changed your mind?"

Kaname smiled…one of the most adorable smiles Sousuke had ever seen. "With everything that's happened to us…we still made our way back to each other. It's destined for us to be together and-," she moved until she was just over his mouth. "I want you…to be the one…my first."

_So she wants me to be the one, huh? Well, Testarossa took her first kiss but this is MINE _Sousuke's eyes darkened as he whispered, "As you wish…my lady."

His mouth then descended to partake of the nectar of her lips, drinking deeply as she met him confidently…without hesitation as their inexperience was overcome by their hearts, beating in sync. The kiss became the portal from which they began the journey into adulthood; as all journeys begin, with a single step as they explored the mysteries of their bodies. They were tentative at first, with hands slowly reaching, stroking then becoming bolder as mutual acceptance and trust strengthened. Sousuke, encouraged by Kaname's enthusiastic and pliant manner moved decisively, as he did when carrying out a mission. This was what he wanted, had dreamed about having since first realizing he had fallen in love and began fantasizing about her…his ultimate dream come true…

His body, following his intent began to take control. He stretched himself on top of her, his mouth still over hers as her own hands, wrapped around his torso slid down to his hips and buttocks as he slipped one hand beneath her. He then sought his target and advanced cautiously, as she, feeling the beginning of his entry stiffened. Moving with great care, he gradually made his way, until she gasped in pain as he penetrated…

Pulling his mouth away and breathing heavily Sousuke murmured, "Forgive me…for hurting you."

But Kaname…her eyes glistening with unshed tears shook her head. "It's okay…I knew what was coming…I love you."

He recaptured her lips in another sweeping kiss as now merged their bodies acted in primal instinct…the ancient mating dance of man and woman; done since the dawn of creation. The initial uncertainty of their first time passed, Sousuke and Kaname now experienced the scintillating pleasure of coupling…becoming one as their hearts now took command and their senses joined in as both rose into the stratosphere and to the zenith of climax. Both moaned softly and their breathing slowed as they began the descent to the aftermath and he gently pulled out from her. Moving to the side he pulled her into his arms and as she laid her head on his shoulder he cradled her tenderly, holding her close to his heart.

After a few moments to catch their breaths Kaname broke the silence with one word. "Wow."

Sousuke took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah…incredible."

She turned her head to face him. "Did you think it would be like this?"

He shook his head and replied, "I'd heard the other men in my units talk and always felt they embellished. When I realized I loved you I dreamed how it could be with you…but this…was amazing…you're amazing."

Kaname blushed and said shyly, "That's because of you. You were gentle and helped me…you're so kind like always."

"You're always helping me."

She gazed at him and stated, "We're a team…right?"

Nodding Sousuke grinned and said, "Just like always with us…we work perfectly together."

She giggled and lacing her fingers through his unruly hair remarked coyly, "Looks like you need another haircut, sergeant."

He asked, "Is that an offer?"

"Not really…but this is…" She leaned in closer…

Their lips met again…softly, a sweet declaration of their love as exhausted, sleep claimed them…

Several hours later it was dawn…and Sousuke woke as his inner clock used to waking him at daybreak caused him to open his eyes. Coming to full awareness he gazed about at the vanity, the James Brown poster hanging on the wall, and on a dresser a framed photograph of a beautiful woman and a lovely little girl with blue-black hair and button brown eyes. With a soft smile he then gazed down at the young woman nestled in his arms, her black hair shining with blue highlights as a ray of new sunlight played on her head…

He mused _it's just as I thought back in Khanka…Kaname looks so nice in the morning light…here in my arms. I dreamed of this so many times…what it would be like to be with her…kissing her, holding her, loving her…and it was more wonderful than I ever imagined. And finally they came…the soft and gentle words buried deep inside me…so what's next? We'll finish school…we lost a year and must make it up to graduate. Then Kaname can take the exams to get into a university while I'll find a job in a security firm…and we'll get married. I still have some money from my salary with Mithril so I'll buy her a ring and propose… _

A soldier to the core Sousuke then began to strategize…for the future. A future that began last night and that he could finally claim with Kaname as he promised her when they kissed at school…always by his side.

**END**


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